It’s OK to be yourself: confessions of a secret tortoise
When I was a small child I was so shy I’d hide behind the sofa when people came to visit our house. I didn’t like to speak much. I was happy on my own with the little worlds I would make up in my head and turn into stories.
If you met me now, introvert is probably not the first word that would spring to mind. This is because for my job as a user researcher you can regularly find me giving presentations, thinking out loud, explaining my opinions in meetings and talking to strangers. I’m seemingly confident and comfortable around small or large groups of people.
This is all an act.
Well it’s sort of an act. I mean, it used to be, at one time. Let me explain.
I prefer to mull an idea over for a bit rather than react to it straight away. I sometimes find it easier to express myself with written communication over verbal. I like time to process thoughts in my head rather than speak off the cuff. I like to get my head down and get on with it. I’m happy having a plan.
In the past, this way of working has meant that people sometimes haven’t taken me seriously. I’ve spent the last decade working in advertising agencies and the beginning part of that career was quite tough. Not shouting loudly can be seen as a weakness and early on I had managers who agreed with that.
For a time I thought my character was just not conducive to succeeding in business. At some point, to try to combat this, I decided to push myself way, way outside my comfort zone and start shedding my introvert ways. I went on presentation training. I volunteered to lead group discussions. I presented creds and participated in pitches. I started to build my own brand. And it was all terrifying but I learned to hide it.
Sometimes my true self would show up when I least expected. Once, when I was working in New York, we had a Client Services training day. As part of this we had to do a horrendous personality test to tell us which kind of CS person we were. The personalities were animal-based. Most people got Lion or Eagle. A few got Dove. Obviously a dove isn’t quite as impressive as a bird of prey but there is a seriousness and sense of dignity about a dove. Not too bad.
I got Tortoise. I was the only Tortoise out of 20+ CS people.
When I was asked to share my animal there was an embarrassed hush around the room. A tortoise?! People could understand a lion. They wanted their Account Directors to be go-getting, hungry-for-blood lions. No one wants a tortoise in charge of a multi-million dollar account, no matter how good at your job you are. I was given a piece of paper with my reptilian strengths and weakness but even the strengths felt like thinly-veiled accusations: “Methodical”, “Calm”, “Dependable”… Boring. Boring. Labrador.
Today I’m still a tortoise at my core, but I’m happy with that. I’m proud of those ‘boring’ qualities and I’m genuinely a more confident person. I like giving presentations (I’ve found that being the centre of attention for a bit can be quite nice actually) and I know my opinions are often worth voicing. I’m also acutely aware of other people in group situations and strive to be inclusive. I’m pretty sure I would have got to this place naturally after a year or two of growing more experienced in my career, I probably didn’t need to perform such a radical self-transformation. I did it ultimately because at the time I thought being myself wasn’t good enough.
At Civil Service Live in London earlier this week Claire Moriarty gave a talk about effective leadership and she said this: Be yourself and make it possible for other people to be themselves.
I think that’s a hugely important statement. We don’t all have the same personality and we approach problems and situations in different ways. That’s a brilliant and special thing because diversity brings surprising solutions. Diversity helps businesses thrive. Diversity creates culture and feeds innovation.
If you’re a manager then it’s important to understand that if someone in your team is quiet it doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to say. Respect how they feel comfortable communicating but encourage them to speak their mind and make sure they have the opportunity to do that.
Recently, Giles Turnbull created a poster for new starters at GDS which tells them all the things it’s OK to do. I’d love for Claire’s message to be added to this list: It’s OK to be yourself.
Or even: It’s OK to be a tortoise.
